Promises of Someday
by JediKnightBalthasar
Summary: Estel (Aragorn) is never as good as the others, always messing up. What if he was an Elf? Would that change things? Estel runs away to find someone to teach him how to be an Elf, and an adventure begins...
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings or any recognizable people and characters.  
  
Words like "When you're older  
  
Must appease him  
  
And promises of someday make his dreams. . .  
  
~Joni Mitchell, Circle Game  
  
*****  
  
Both hands on the ground, Estel gently rested his feet against the tree. 'I will not fall over,' he told himself, 'I will not fall over.' But this was likely not true, he had already fallen over seventeen times trying this same stunt on previous occasions. Up in another, nearby tree, unseen voices whispered.  
  
"Why does he bother? He'll never manage."  
  
"Maybe this time he will. He's come close before."  
  
"Yeah, and maybe Nimrodel will come jumping out of that tree." The Elven children snickered. Estel looked around as best he could from his awkward position, hearing their chuckles.  
  
"I'll show them," he said to himself, "this time it'll work." He moved one foot off the tree, slowly balancing it in the air. Then he moved the second foot. All his weight rested on his wrists. For a few glorious seconds he stayed that way, feet in the air, hands as feet--and then he tumbled.  
  
He flipped over and landed rather painfully, legs at odd angles, arms dangling uselessly. Dirt and pine needles clung to his disheveled head. Tears welled up in his eyes, but he did not cry them. Instead he stood, legs shaking, and leaned against the tree, trying not to hurt his wrists further. He knew he would be bruised by the next day, but his wounded flesh was nothing to his wounded pride.  
  
"Way to go, Hope-less!" One of the Elvish children shouted from her perch in the tree.  
  
"Some Elven grace!"  
  
Estel gritted his teeth. He would not get angry, and he would not cry. They were not worth that.  
  
"If you're the last hope for anyone, Estel, let's pray that it be the dwarves!" They all cackled, as it is the nature of Elves to dislike and distrust dwarves.  
  
"You're definitely *well-grounded* hope!"  
  
"What did I do to you?" He called to the treetops. "Just because I'm not an Elf--"  
  
"Exactly. Just because you're not an Elf. You're not one of us, Hope, you're a human, and Men are always disappointments," an Elf girl explained calmly, climbing down through the branches. "It's just how it is." She shrugged sympathetically, then stood on her hands and walked off.  
  
"If you don't believe her, ask Lord Elrond. He'll tell you. Ask your *Ada* what happened in Orodruin."  
  
*****  
  
Estel swiped furiously with his sword, attempting to stab at Elladan. The Elf only laughed, blocking the thrusts gleefully. "Estel, you wouldn't hit a cow with that sort of offense!"  
  
"Shut up! You always say that!" Estel yelled, hurt by the old taunt. He had been so absorbed in the spar that it had overtaken him, but he had become angry and hardly thought before acting. Now again he lashed out, so forcefully that Elladan's block had to be partially offensive.  
  
"What are you doing, Estel?" Elladan asked. "That's not--" he stopped as Estel wildly swung his practice weapon towards his older brother's face. "Estel, stop it!" He did not, instead he sped up his attacks. Elladan moved his defense to offense, hitting Estel's practice weapon so hard it crash sharply to the left, taking the boy's wrist with it.  
  
"Ouch!" Estel cried, dropping the blade and grabbing his wrist. Elladan set his own weapon down.  
  
"Are you all right, Estel? Let me see." He moved the boy's good hand away and felt the wrist, which was swelling. Estel bit back cries and tears. "Come on, let's go see if Ada can fix it. It's not too bad." Estel sniffed and nodded. "Come on," Elladan repeated, taking his younger brother's good hand in his.  
  
Elladan led Estel down a series of corridors, trying not to pull him along and hurt his wrist even more. Estel sniffled and wiped his nose on his sleeve, letting Elladan tug him along and trying to be brave. They found their father in his study. "Ada, Estel's hurt his wrist," Elladan said. Elrond looked at the two, exasperated. Estel thought he might burst into tears. Elladan saw this and felt guilty about it. "Ada, I hurt Estel's wrist," he amended.  
  
"All right. Estel, let me see it." Estel went through the process of biting back tears a second time, determined not to be a disappointment as the Elven girl had called him. "This isn't too bad, Estel, don't worry. What happened?"  
  
"We were sparring. . .I got hurt," Estel said, humiliated by the rest of the story. Elrond looked at his son, and Estel looked away.  
  
"There, you should be fine. Try not to hurt it again until it has fully healed."  
  
Estel nodded, not even having noticed that his wrist was now wrapped in bandages, and left the room. "Elladan, what happened?" Elrond asked.  
  
"I don't know," Elladan said, "we were sparring and Estel just started to be. . .rather offensive. It just got to a point where defensive blocks had to be offensive blocks. That's all that happened."  
  
"Why did he start to attack you? Did you say something to him?"  
  
"No. Well," Elladan added, as Elrond gave him a look of utter disbelief, "nothing I've never said to him before, but he's never gotten so upset about it before."  
  
*****  
  
That night, Estel was awake long after he had gone to bed. He raised and lowered his wrist, wondering how long it would take to heal. "I am a disappointment," he whispered. "Why would anyone want me around? All I ever do is mess up and break things. I'm useless. The twins never get hurt like that, or get into trouble like I do."  
  
Inside his head, a voice answered him. "That's true. You are useless. The twins are better than you, they are Elves. Why not just leave? Go find someone who cares."  
  
"No," he told the voice, "I don't have to leave. Because Ada cares, and my brothers care, and--"  
  
"And what? Are they really your Ada and your brothers? No. They're Elves, something you will never be. You can't act like an Elf, and you don't look like an Elf. You are not an Elf."  
  
"I will be an Elf! I'll learn how to be! That way, when I am an Elf, no one will be disappointed with me. I can watch them, and do what they do!"  
  
In his head, the mocking voice answered, "You said the same thing about standing on your head."  
  
"Then I shall find an Elf to teach me!"  
  
"Who would want to teach you?" the voice sneered. "What Elves have ever been kind to you without some request?"  
  
For a moment Estel thought about this. The voice was right, his mother had asked Elrond to look after him, Elrond had probably asked the twins to be nice to him, and the other Elves in Rivendell were not nice to him at all. "What about. . .what about. . ." what was his name? That one Elf, the twins' friend, the one who was always nice. "Legolas, that's his name! I'll find him!"  
  
"In Mirkwood? A little boy like you? You don't even know where Mirkwood is!"  
  
"No, but I'll find it. I'll show them, I'll show all of them! They'll be sorry they ever questioned me! I'll be more Elf than the Elves!" And with this proclamation he yawned, and fell asleep.  
  
The next morning, Estel was not so sure. He went to the library to find a map to Mirkwood. There was a map, a good map, in one of the smaller books. It showed Mirkwood as being almost three hundred miles away. "All right. I shall have to ride to the forests is all."  
  
"You think you can make it? Boy! Child! You'll be back here within a week!" But this only strengthened his resolve.  
  
"Legolas has always been nice to me. Surely he will teach me to be an Elf. Finding him will not be difficult, then everyone will be pleased with me."  
  
"And this would not break your Ada's rule? Are you not forbidden to cross the Bruinen?"  
  
"I. . .I. . .my brothers cross it!"  
  
"They are older than you, are they not?"  
  
Estel thought back to the day this ban had been put upon him. He had asked the other children if the had ever crossed the Bruinen. Most of them said yes, and a few had not. That day Estel and some younger Elves wandered to the Bruinen, and each Elf crossed over it. When it came to Estel's turn they jeered at him for being a sissy, and a wuss, and other names he could not recall. Finally he could no longer take it, and he stormed across the Bruinen and back.  
  
"Ada knew," Estel said, "I know he did. How did he know? I always wished he would have just been angry and shouted or something, anything but that disappointed look in his eyes. . .no more! When I'm an Elf, no one will be disappointed with me!"  
  
And the voice did not speak again for quite some time. 


	2. The Storm Breaks

For the purposes of this story, Rivendell is about one mile from the Misty Mountains. Sorry if that's a little off, but just to warn everyone that is the distance I am using. Also, Estel is supposed to be about seven or eight years old.  
  
To: Kawaii Blue Bear: Yes, trouble and lots of sap. He he, the way you said "stay" it's like Estel is a dog. Me: Estel! Roll over! Estel: Woof, woof!  
  
To: Azaelia: Glad you like it. For more, scroll down. . .  
  
To: Lina Sky: Hey, I know you! You reviewed Carrie's story, didn't you? You strangled her characters! Cool. . .anyway, yes bad things always seem to happen to Estel, but he gets the best sap stories, so that evens it out.  
  
To: Anonymous reviewer: Thanks and for more scroll. . .  
  
To: Stasia: Thanks and thanks!! Thanks about Estel's mind, as well, Freud studies are not helpful for children's minds (Freud was perverted, he connected everything to sex!)  
  
To: da Twickster: Elflings really can be terrible. Hmm, maybe they ought to learn that it is *wrong* to be so mean to Estel.  
  
To: Rae Maxwell: Thanks!  
  
"He got the urge for going  
  
And I had to let him go  
  
He got the urge for going  
  
When the meadow grass was turning brown  
  
Summertime was falling down and winter  
  
Was closing in"  
  
~Joni Mitchell, Urge for Going  
  
*****  
  
  
  
Estel sat on his bed, looking at the window. "Are you going to stay, after all? Are you going to be a sissy wuss like the others say you are?" asked the voice in his head.  
  
"Of course not!" Estel replied. "I am going to leave, I am going to go to Mirkwood!" He opened the window and was about to crawl through it when he heard noises in the hallway outside. He paused and listened to them.  
  
"No, Elladan," Elrohir was saying, "I am only going out to see if Anor is all right." Anor, Estel thought, The sun? Elrohir was going to see if the sun was all right? Then he remembered that Anor was a horse, one that was with child.  
  
"I will come with you," Elladan volunteered. The two passed out of Estel's hearing range, and he breathed a sigh of relief. "Elrohir. . ." he paused. Elrohir turned to Elladan with a questioning look. "Should we bring Estel with us? He has been rather odd lately, perhaps he would like to see Anor. . .?  
  
"No, he is sleeping," Elrohir protested. "We shouldn't wake him."  
  
"You're probably right," Elladan said, and they continued on.  
  
"Oh, no," Estel whispered, realizing where his brothers would be. "Now I shall have to walk to Mirkwood, or leave on a later date. Perhaps I shall leave later. . ."  
  
"You will not leave," sneered the voice, "you only want to stay here, because everything they say about you, all the taunts they use, are all true."  
  
"That isn't so!" with that Estel grabbed the pack he had assembled throughout the week and climbed out the window. "I'll show you," he said angrily, "I will get to Mirkwood, and I will learn how to be an Elf. I'll be the best Elf that ever there was!" As he told himself this he marched along, towards where he thought Mirkwood forests would be.  
  
Suddenly he heard a noise and he stopped, still as death. It was his brothers. Luckily they made no attempt at silence, and Estel had fair chance to hide from them. In the deep shadows, mingling with branches and leaves, Estel hid. He held his breath. His mind raced and sweat covered him. He was so afraid to be caught. . .!  
  
The two Elves passed him by. For a few minutes Estel remained hidden, then he carefully walked back into the moonlight. His brush with discovery had taught him to be more careful, and he was considerably quieter, although he did not meet up with a single other being.  
  
The moon was full that night, and shining brilliant silver over all Imladris, as well as (Estel suspected) the whole world. Despite this brilliant illumination no one noticed a small boy cross a bridge over a shining stream, the face of the moon reflected in the clear waters. No one noticed as the lone figure slipped further and further into the dark night.  
  
For a mile Estel tromped on, not complaining to himself at all. A few leaves shone oddly in the moon's reflective light, and the mountains ahead loomed closer and closer to the child. He did not fear those mountains, for all he saw in them was an enemy, one which he would take pride and pleasure in conquering.  
  
The first step upwards was easy. Though the ground was rocky and it was not light enough for Estel to find a path, that step did not hurt or tire him. "If I can do it once, there is no reason I cannot do it a million times more," he told himself. With each step Estel got higher and higher, and farther and farther from his home. "I can do this," he told himself, "once and a million times!"  
  
But he was only a young child, and he could not. At one time he slipped. Rocks flew out from beneath him and tumbled down wards. Estel grabbed onto a tree root to keep from following closely after. His knees were screaming and his palms were raw. On all fours, Estel crawled over the root and nestled in the small nest it formed. The root curved upwards, and many leaves had gathered in the bend. This formed a soft area, and the root would keep Estel from falling.  
  
Leaning his pack against the tree, Estel curled into a ball. His cloak kept him warm, and he was too afraid of wild animals too take off his boots. His thumb made its way to his mouth, comforting and warmed by saliva.  
  
"I miss Ada," he whispered to the darkness. "And Elladan and Elrohir." The stars shined on him, and he gazed up at them. "I never knew there were so many. The Elves must know, I shall ask Legolas exactly how many when I find him." He wanted to cry. Legolas was great, always nice to Estel, but Legolas wasn't really his family. "I should not have left. What if they're worried about me?"  
  
"Who would worry about you?" the voice asked.  
  
"Ada would," Estel answered quietly.  
  
"Then go back to Imladris. If all you can think about is how much your Ada is worried about you, turn back right now. You can be back in bed before the sun rises. No one will ever have to know about this. It can be our secret, just how you were too afraid. Go back now and be a disappointment to him."  
  
"No, I have to be an Elf before I go back to Imladris!"  
  
"And what if you fail?" the voice questioned in a sly voice. "What would you do if Legolas has not the time for a stupid youngster like you? No one will teach you how to be an Elf, Estel! You can never return to Imladris!" It was laughing now.  
  
"No! No, he will teach me! I will go back, I will return!" Estel scrambled to his feet, grabbing his pack, and went on. He would continue all night if he had to, all night until he outran the voice. Pebbles slid out from beneath his feet as he ran. A few times he fell, but each time he got up and kept going. The mountain would not defeat him.  
  
The sun was rising when Estel tumbled and had not the strength left to get back up. He let his eyes close and was asleep in seconds.  
  
*****  
  
"Have either of you seen Estel today?" Elrond asked of his sons.  
  
"No," they answered together. Elrohir added, "But there is no need to worry. He rarely wakes this early, he is probably still asleep."  
  
"Elrohir, it is near to noon," Elrond said, suspecting that Elrohir had no idea what time it was.  
  
"Is Estel sick?" Elladan asked, suddenly paying attention. "He might be, that could be why he has not woken up yet."  
  
"It's possible, but not likely," Elrond admitted.  
  
"Why not find out?" Elladan asked. He almost added that Elrond was a healer, after all, but he left that unsaid. Elrond thought this a good suggestion and left to see if Estel was still asleep. Moments later he was back.  
  
"Elladan, Elrohir, your brother is not asleep. In fact it is highly unlikely that he was in bed at all last night. I think he has run away."  
  
"Run away?" Elrohir repeated. "Why would he do that?"  
  
"Could he just be hiding," Elladan observed, "we should search inside before we panic." Within the hour, it had been deemed all right to panic.  
  
*****  
  
The early morning sun shone brightly, piercing his eyelids, waking him far earlier than he would have liked. He had hardly had a few hours of sleep, but he got up and started trudging along towards Mirkwood. Not once did he turn back, or he would have seen that he was farther along than he suspected.  
  
"They probably know by now," Estel said to himself, "and are probably happy. Well, even if they try to find me, I shall be farther than they suspect, and by the time they reach this place I shall be over this hill!" With his words to support him Estel marched onwards.  
  
All day without stopping he went. The sun did not shine so brightly, indeed now dark clouds imposed upon the sunshine. There were still trees, for they were strong trees and grew higher than most, and now Estel hoped that they might provide some shelter from the coming storm. Just as he was sitting beneath one to stop for the night, the sun's last rays peeking out from the horizon, there was a mighty clap of thunder and a flash of lightning. The rain came pouring down.  
  
*****  
  
"This rain is no good," Elladan commented. "It will wash away any tracks Estel left."  
  
"Then help me follow these while we have got them to follow!" Elrohir requested irritably. He did not want to think about what sort of animals could have gotten to Estel. Where was that boy going? He could have drowned, been struck by lightning, or died any number of other ways. Elrohir stopped, Elladan a bit behind him. "Elladan," he said, choking up, and swallowing hard, "look."  
  
"What is it?" Elladan asked, but when he saw where the tracks led he too wanted to cry. "We passed right by him."  
  
"He was hiding from us."  
  
Until then Elladan had believed that Estel was off on some playful adventure, but he no longer trusted to that. Any play adventure and he would have jumped out at the twins. "He's not coming back, Elrohir."  
  
"He has to come back," Elrohir answered. "Or we will just have to bring him back." Following what was left of the tracks in the coming rain and darkness, he called, "Estel!"  
  
*****  
  
A new clap of thunder made Estel jump. He was beside the tree trunk, wrapped in his cloak, and shivering. The lightning and thunder frightened him. "I wish. . ." he began, "I wish I could find Rohi and Dan. I should not have left. No, no I had to leave! When I am an Elf, they will accept me for who am I, because then I will be an Elf." This hardly made sense to him, but it felt good to say it. It kept him through the storm.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Oh, how evil am I, making Estel suffer like that? Don't worry, I promise a happy ending! But perhaps some pain to reach that happiness. No more spoilers! ( 


	3. And I Say, It's All Right

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Please don't sue me!  
  
Lost Angel: Little kids suck their thumbs, don't they? Anyway, even if they don't, I thought Estel ought to, because he's really just a little kid. You haven't got long to wait, but there isn't much dreamy sigh material.  
  
Vana Burke obviously not logged in: Thanks! And honestly I don't believe in evil, that was just a joke. Glad you liked it!  
  
Da twickstar: "Biscuit", there's a new one. I've heard puppy, dog, and various other things ranging from "teddy bear" to "king of Gondor", but food items are new. Yes! Go Estel! Or maybe he won't "show 'em what it means to be human", that part is as of yet uncertain.  
  
Kawaii Blue Bear: Well. . .I. . .but he. . .I'm just telling it like it is, right, Estel? Estel: I would rather not answer that. Ack! Kawaii is strangling me! Don't hug so hard!! Me: Don't worry, Estel, you won't die for another 200 years or so. Estel: How do you know that? Me: Because. . .  
  
Kaimelieamin: Haven't read Tarzan but I know someone who has (that means you, Smea, if you're reading this!) And yeah, I'm pretty sure they are half- Elves, but to Estel, being such a young child there is no difference.  
  
Ciria: Don't worry about Estel, Legolas will set him straight.  
  
Lutris: Well, he already knows Legolas--he just is looking for him.  
  
Dream Catcher: He's not old, he's seven. That's like half your age, in case you forgot! And that was more like. . .like that little voice in your head that tells you the things you don't want to hear. And no more sugar for you, lollipops or ice cream! Seriously, you go bonkers! Just kidding.  
  
Thanks everyone who took the time to review! And those of you who didn't **glares** . . .  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Elrohir. Elrohir!" Elladan shook his brother urgently. "Elrohir, wake up!" His voice was full of tears.  
  
"What is it?" Elrohir asked. The sun shone brightly over their wet bodies, and birds sang merrily.  
  
"He's gone. We're not going to find him now, 'Ro. We were just closing our eyes. . .just resting our eyes for a few moments, right? Just. . .just resting. . ." he trailed off as tears sprang to his eyes and ran down his cheeks.  
  
"Elladan, it will be all right. Come on, hold yourself together. We had better go tell Ada we're all right, and then we can keep up our search." Elrohir got to his feet. Elladan watched him, questioning. "Ada will be worried, Elladan. About us, as well as about Estel. For whom we can do little now. . .  
  
*****  
  
Something caught the Elf's eye. It was out of his line of vision, but just out of the corner of his gaze did he see something, a small thing, shivering beneath a tree. It did not look like any woodland creature he knew. Dismounting, Legolas approached with caution. When he realized that it was no woodland creature but Estel, he knelt beside the young human.  
  
Estel was soaking wet and freezing cold. He shivered and shook, and was hardly aware of his surroundings. He felt himself being lifted and wrapped in someone's cloak, and he pushed away, thinking it must be one of his brothers. "Hey there, shh, calm down, little one. It's all right, it's just me. Do you remember me, Estel?" It was not one of his brothers' voices. Looking up, Estel saw that it was none other than Legolas Greenleaf as had found him.  
  
"Legolas!" He said, hugging onto the Elf. This was not quite the reacting Legolas had expected, but it was better than Estel's protests and kicking to get free. He was worried, however, by Estel's inability to stay still. The boy must be ill, he concluded.  
  
"What are you doing this far from Rivendell? Your brothers and your Ada must be worried sick about you!" The expression "worried sick" had always seemed curious to Legolas, who knew Elves did not get sick, but he had spent time with Men and had gotten the expression from them. "I'll take you back. Were you lost?"  
  
"No, I wasn't lost!" Estel practically yelled. He had regained some strength now, perhaps through adrenaline. "Elves don't get lost! And they aren't my Ada and my brothers! And you can't take me to Rivendell! I can't go back until I'm an Elf!"  
  
Legolas stopped at these protests, suddenly comprehending with even more question than before what had happened. He set Estel down on the ground and knelt at eye level with the boy. "Estel, why can you not return to Rivendell?" he asked slowly.  
  
"I can return," he was calmer now, and sniffed to keep his nose from running. "Just I have to be an Elf before I do."  
  
"Why in all Middle-Earth would you say that, Estel? Surely no one told you these things."  
  
"Well. . .I just know them, that's all that matters, isn't it? Being an Elf? Wouldn't it make everything better, much, much better if I were an Elf? Wouldn't people be less disappointed with me if I were Elven?"  
  
"Estel," Legolas said, very slow and careful with his words. "I think you need to tell me everything that's happened." Estel would not meet Legolas's gaze. His eyes slid to the side, and he kept silent. "Estel," Legolas said, employing his little-used tone of authority. "Tell me right now." Estel looked at him, lip quivering, then started bawling. He just stood, crying, as if suddenly everything was different, maybe better, maybe worse, but not the same, and it hurt that it had changed.  
  
"It's all right," Legolas assured him, "no one's mad at you, Estel. No one's disappointed at all." Estel may have heard, may not have, but he kept on sobbing. Legolas doubted his words were getting through to the boy, so he hugged him. Legolas remembered the darkness, the fear, and after it all just the simplest comfort of being hugged, and feeling so safe and secure. Estel's sobs receded slowly. He wriggled out of Legolas's grasp and dried his eyes on his fists.  
  
"But they are disappointed," Estel said. "All of them."  
  
Something about the way he said it, his tone, perhaps his belief, sent a shudder through Legolas. "Can you tell me the whole story?"  
  
Estel sniffed again and nodded. "I ran away to learn to be an Elf. I thought if I could reach Mirkwood you could teach me what it means to be Elven. I thought if I was an Elf Ada and Elrohir and Elladan and. . .and everyone, they wouldn't be so disappointed because I wouldn't be. . .a disappointment. All the other children, they aren't like me. They don't fall out of trees or trip or crash through the bushes. When I'm an Elf I'll be like them, and then it will be all right because Ada won't be disappointed with an Elf son and Elladan and Elrohir won't mind an Elf brother. That's why you have to teach me how to be an Elf!"  
  
For minutes there were no words. Legolas ran a hand over Estel's ear, round, not pointed. "You are no Elf, Estel," he began.  
  
"But if you would teach me!"  
  
"There is nothing I can teach you but this. You are no Elf, Estel," he repeated. Estel looked as if he might cry again. "Be proud of that! You never will be Elven. Stand up and be proud of that! It is part of who you are. Never deny that part of you."  
  
"But. . .but if I were an Elf then Ada--"  
  
"Lord Elrond does not care that you are no Elf. You are his son. Perhaps not by birth, but what does that change? If you were an Elf you still would not be his son by birth. Your brothers and your Ada love you very much, Estel. That is why you must go back to them."  
  
Estel opened his mouth, then closed it. "Legolas," he whispered. "I think I've made a mistake."  
  
"That I can help you with," Legolas assured him, "because it is part of growing up."  
  
*****  
  
Half the Elves in Rivendell were searching for this child. Elladan and Elrohir had been looking all day, and both were nearly ready to admit defeat. They gazed longingly at the lights lit in the Last Homely House. They loved their brother, and they wanted him to be safe, but they were not magical beings. Even they must rest at some point.  
  
"Elladan, let's just go back home. We will not find him. Look, the stars shine on us. It is more like that he will come home on his own than that we will find him out here."  
  
Elladan bit his lip. He saw the reason in his brother's words. "Just a few more minutes."  
  
Elrohir sighed, but complied.  
  
*****  
  
"Legolas," Estel asked softly.  
  
"Hm?" Legolas was a bit surprised, having thought that Estel was already asleep. Judging by his voice, he would be in minutes.  
  
"How many stars are there?" his eyes gazed upwards, watching the marvelous points of light.  
  
"Promise not to tell anyone? This is a secret. Do I have your word?"  
  
"On my honour!"  
  
Legolas leaned closer to Estel, and whispered in his ear, "I don't know."  
  
Estel fell asleep in minutes after that, lulled by the motion of the horse trotting. Behind him Legolas sat, not tired in the least, gazing ahead. His destination of Imladris was only a few minutes' ride away. Estel's head rolled to one side, and Legolas saw that the boy was sucking his thumb. Legolas was worried that the child was ill, but he did not say anything.  
  
Arriving in Rivendell, Legolas dismounted carefully. Estel managed not to fall off. Legolas gently lifted the small boy down from the saddle. Estel hardly seemed to notice, but he curled towards Legolas. "You are heavier than I thought," Legolas whispered, carrying the sleeping child inside.  
  
Elrond did not hear Legolas enter his study. Indeed he had forgotten entirely that the Elven prince was coming to visit the twins. "Lord Elrond, I believe you lost this," Legolas said. Elrond looked up, at first annoyed, and the greatly relieved.  
  
"You found him," he observed, taking the child from Legolas. Legolas was glad for this, and he relaxed hi arms. "Is he all right? Where was he?"  
  
"He should be fine now, perhaps ill. I was unsure. I only just found him this morning, he was outside during the rainstorm. He was far, for so young a child."  
  
Elrond began to reply, but stopped and looked at Estel curiously. Estel's eyes had opened for a moment, but now he squeezed them shut. He looked most unnatural, and his eyelids betrayed the movement within. "You are awake."  
  
Estel felt dread again now. He dared open his eyes. "Are you terribly angry?" he asked quietly.  
  
"No, little one. Not now that you're safe."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Aw, sap. . .anyway, that is not the last chapter! There should be one more after this. Does everybody like it so far? 


	4. Athelas for the Soul ...

Disclaimer: Yeah, I think we all know who owns it and that "who" is not me.  
  
Fifi88: Thanks  
  
Lina Skye: Estel, Legolas, and the twins say thanks for the hugs. Elrond is still in shock. (Elrond: What. . .what happened?)  
  
Ciria: You'll just have to. . .read on. . .to see if he is sick! Don't worry, the twins and Elrond all have roles to play. . .no spoilers, though!  
  
Lutris: Oh yes, much talking yet to come!  
  
Kaimelieamin: If you want the "Estel barfs on Legolas" story, I was gong to add it to "Something so Beautiful". Other than that, it will only be mentioned.  
  
Kawaii Blue Bear: Stop abusing my main character, Kawaii!  
  
Calcus Angel: If he were older, he might understand that he doesn't have to run away. Well, that's unlikely. . .  
  
Thanks everyone who reviewed!  
  
*****  
  
Estel's face contorted. He swallowed, then observed, "Yuck!" Legolas laughed. Estel gulped the rest of the foul liquid, then wiped his mouth on his sleeve. "That did not taste good."  
  
"Well, when young boys get sick they must deal with the consequences," Elrond said. "And having to take your medicine is the least of your worries now. Go to sleep."  
  
Estel smiled a bit, then glanced at Legolas and smiled even more. "I'm glad I got sick!" Estel announced happily. "Elves don't get sick, you know, and I would hate to be confused for an Elf."  
  
"Estel, what are you talking about?" Elrond was rather disturbed by this. Legolas smothered a smile.  
  
"I'm human and proud of it!" Estel explained. "Why should I not be? I am never going to be an Elf, but /you/ are never going to be human!" At this Elrond felt his face turn red, and he might have been angry but for the giggles from the corner of the room.  
  
"So this is your doing, Legolas? All right, you have a few questions yet to answer and Estel needs to get to sleep, so let's leave him in peace," Elrond headed for the door, then turned and added, "if you aren't asleep in five minutes you shall have to drink a sleeping potion!" At that Estel's head flopped onto the pillow and he faked a snore.  
  
*****  
  
"Do you have answers for me now?" Elrond asked. He and Legolas had not gone far, only pausing outside Estel's room to talk. "Will you tell me where and why my son was going?"  
  
"These answers I have," Legolas began slyly, "in part, but they are not mine to tell. Ask your son these questions, for it was not I who ran away, and it was not I who lived the life leading to it."  
  
"By the Valar, Elf-child, have you been reading poetry or some such thing?" Elrond asked, and Legolas blushed, but nodded. "That's all right, you are right, this is Estel's story. Hopefully he is asleep by now, as you should be."  
  
"Me? I'm not really a child, with all due respect--" Legolas protested, but Elrond glared at him. "I was just going off to bed!"  
  
"Much better. Good night."  
  
*****  
  
Legolas rose like a spirit from bed, and with no noise to follow traversed the corridor. He slowly turned the doorknob and pushed open the door. The hinges creaked and he paused, sure every elf in Rivendell had heard. When no one showed themselves, Legolas continued on, entering the room and closing the door behind him. "Estel, are you awake?" As his eyes adjusted to the darkness Legolas saw that he was not awake; most of his body was buried beneath the duvet (a/n is that the right word?), and most of his head was buried beneath a mop of black hair.  
  
"Yes," he answered feebly, pushing himself into sitting position with the heels of his hands. Estel pushed hair out of his eyes and blinked. "What is it?"  
  
"If you are not too tired, Estel, I wanted to tell you something that may help you understand how truly small the difference in all children is. Unless you are too tired, or those were indeed not tears I heard brimming in the words you spoke earlier."  
  
Estel blushed guiltily. "Maybe I was still a little upset. . ." Legolas shook his head at this, well aware that Estel could not see the gesture, and sat on the edge of the bed. Estel immediately materialized in his lap.  
  
"When I was younger, Estel, around your age, maybe a bit older, something happened to me that stayed with me all my life. The other Elves in Mirkwood forest, where I came from, then called Greenwood the Great, were teasing me for having a close friendship with Elrohir. They said--and this is not at all true, but it is what they said--that the Rivendell Elves were all sissies, and so was I for being around one of them so often. I protested this, although I am sorry to say that I never defended your brother. I told them I was not a sissy, and they said I was and ought to just go to Rivendell with the other sissy Elves.  
  
"They told me that Rivendell was created when all the sissy Elves were banished from Greenwood, and I ought to go there. I yelled at them that I was not a sissy, and I would prove it. They smiled maliciously and I realized that I had played into their trap, and it was too late to take it back.  
  
"They told me to sneak into an abandoned home, and bring out something from it. Everyone was afraid of it, though they never said why, and there were many stories concerning the spirits that haunted it. That night, for they insisted that this task be carried out at night, I shook with fear as I entered the house. One of the boys had dressed up as a spirit, and went into the house to frighten me. Needless to say I was scared out of my wits, and I turned away and ran.  
  
"The worst part was the howls of laughter, which I took for spirits screaming. I was lost in that old home, and for hours I wandered through corridors and rooms. Spider webs coated everything, and rats lived there now. I ran through it as fast as I could, crying, convinced that I was a Rivendell sissy after all--even if most Elves in Rivendell are valiant and honorable.  
  
"What felt like years was really only hours in the dark. I was so frightened I nearly wet myself. Finally I found a door, and when I managed to get through it. . .it was all light outside, and someone was hugging me-- I think it was my mother, just hugging me and crying. . .I was crying, too, of course. It was just the feeling of incredible relief because I was alive and out of that old place. . .  
  
"Even Elves get lost, Estel, and frightened as well. Even Elves hurt and cry. Do you understand, now, how little it matters what you are?"  
  
"Yes," Estel answered. "Thank you!" and he threw his arms around Legolas.  
  
"Do you also understand that when people care about you, it doesn't matter what you are? You could be from Mirkwood, Rivendell, or Lothlorien, or you could not be Elf-kind at all."  
  
"I know," Estel assured him.  
  
"Good. Now go to sleep." Legolas tried to get Estel off him, but Estel hugged tighter. Legolas sighed and waited. When the boy's breathing was steady, Legolas lifted him and gently put him back in bed. Estel didn't wake at all.  
  
*****  
  
Elladan and Elrohir plodded into Imladris at noon. A few minutes had turned into a few hours as they searched for their little brother. Neither spoke, each mired in his own sad thoughts. Elladan could not get it out of his head that Estel had hidden from them. Elrohir was just hoping that he was all right and would find his way home.  
  
The twins trudged through halls searching for their father, ready to admit defeat. "Glorfindel, have you seen Ada?" Elrohir asked, running into his blonde friend.  
  
"Yes, he's in Estel's room," Glorfindel answered, hurrying off. The twins shrugged and plodded their way to their brother's room.  
  
"Estel!"  
  
"Estel, you ratbag!" Elladan exclaimed. Both the twins hugged him at the same time, and Estel felt the need to protest that he was not a pretzel. Legolas was laughing and Elrond looked as though he might smile. "You stupid, stupid person! Beag!" Elladan continued to hurl verbal abuse, hugging Estel still, despite Estel's protests and formidable defense.  
  
"Elladan, he's turning blue," Elrohir observed, having stopped hugging-to- the-point-of-strangling his brother. Elladan drew back as well, whacking Estel on the back of the head.  
  
"What in Middle Earth were you thinking?" he demanded. "Did you think at all?" Estel was crying again.  
  
"Elladan, maybe you need to calm down a bit," Elrohir said, half-leading and half-dragging Elladan out of the room. Estel buried his face in his arms.  
  
"What did I do wrong?" Estel wondered allowed.  
  
"Estel. . ." this part of the story would be difficult for Legolas to revisit, but Estel needed to hear it. "Remember the old house?"  
  
"Uh-huh," Estel said, looking up and trying to dry his eyes.  
  
"Remember I told you when I came out my mother was there hugging me?"  
  
"Yes," Estel said. "But she never hit you!"  
  
"No, but my Ada did," Legolas answered. Estel's tears and howls ceased immediately as he stared at Legolas. Even Elrond's attention was drawn. "It was as soon as I returned home. He just. . .slapped me. I was angry for many years before I understood fully what had happened. I scared them so much when I did not come home, and he was angry because I had been gone for some petty argument, some stupid matter of pride. When some one who you love is missing, it is truly frightening, and sometimes people do things they don't mean because they're angry. Elladan was angry because he and Elrohir have spent the last few days looking for you, and they are both exhausted and were very scared."  
  
"Oh. I messed up again. . ."  
  
"That's all right," Legolas assured him. "Part of growing up, remember? Fixing your mistakes."  
  
"Speaking of which, Estel, I would like to know what exactly you had in mind, running away like that."  
  
"I was. . .I wanted to be. . ." Estel wondered how to phrase it properly. His vocabulary had only the capacity of an average seven-year-old boy. "I thought things and then Legolas told me I was wrong. Like if I thought something was black, he said it was white."  
  
"Black. . .and white?" Elrond asked. What in Middle Earth was his son talking about? "What do you mean?"  
  
"I mean 'cause I was wrong, and so now I know."  
  
"Estel," Legolas said gently, "remember the stars."  
  
Estel immediately said, "I thought if I was an Elf people would like me better. I wouldn't be a disappointment to anyone anymore. So I went to find Legolas, so he could teach me how to be an Elf. But then. . .I don't need to be an Elf."  
  
"Why would you think you needed to be an Elf?" Elrond asked.  
  
"Because I though the other children would accept me that way. . .and maybe I thought you and Elladan and Elrohir would like me better as an Elf. When I first got back it seemed like I was wrong, and with what Legolas told me, too, but now I feel like maybe I was right, after all."  
  
Elrond moved to speak but Legolas was quicker. "How can you say that, Estel? After all I've told?"  
  
"Elladan was angry. If I were an Elf--"  
  
"It would be quite the same," Elrond supplied.  
  
"I know that inside, but sometimes it feels like it's too difficult. . ."Estel wondered how to explain this.  
  
"It feels good to believe that it would be better if you were different," Legolas said. "We all feel that way Estel." Again he whispered dramatically in Estel's ear, "I used to make believe I was a Man." Estel giggled at that. "So I think it's al; right to pretend, just make sure you are pretending from the safety of your own home."  
  
Estel's eyelids began to grow heavy, for while it was only late morning he was still very sick. "Come on, Legolas, let him get some rest. We can finish this conversation later," Elrond said, and the Elves left. Legolas paused at the door and turned.  
  
"One last lesson. Brothers always forgive."  
  
*****  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
. . .or do they? Find out next chapter! (okay, so I'm lazy. Big deal.) 


	5. The Thing About Being Brothers OR Estel ...

Disclaimer: Oh, I wish! In point of fact, I own nothing in any way related to the rights to any recognizable people and places. Actually, I own a copy of the book and a copy of the DVD.  
  
Karate Elf: Thanks and this is as soon as I could post it, sorry!  
  
Kaimelieamin: Estel would probably not see him that way, although Aragorn and Legolas slash is something I could consider writing. . .I'm working on the "Estel pukes on Legolas" story, but it's taking a while, should be up soon though. Thanks for reviewing and have fun putting off till tomorrow what could be done today!  
  
Kawaii Blue Bear: No fair! You can't have Legolas AND Estel! CHEATER!! Just kidding, you can claim ownership any time you want to (because they're MINE)! Thanks for reviewing an all, and stop trying to out-do the twins as far as Estel-abuse goes! **hugs Estel, because everyone's beating up on him**  
  
Lutris: Legolas was just trying to make Estel feel better (presumably he told the truth though). And maybe they will, maybe they won't. . .  
  
Elanor: Legolas is wise, but not an Istari. Mithrandir can stop worrying for now! Where do you think chapter five is? Scroll down. . .  
  
Daylight: Thanks and okay!  
  
"Tears and fears and feeling proud  
  
To say "I love you" right out loud  
  
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds  
  
I've looked at life that way"  
  
~Joni Mitchell, Both Sides, Now  
  
  
  
  
  
*****  
  
Estel grasped the wooden pole as he peered around it, watching his brothers compete against each other at archery. Elladan was winning, as he usually did, but Elrohir was close behind. Estel still had not spoken to the twins, partially because he was afraid, and partially because he was ashamed. He was afraid because the last time he had seen them, they had hit him and yelled at him. He was ashamed because he knew he deserved that.  
  
Elladan turned to Elrohir and said a few words that Estel did not hear. Elrohir shook his head, but as Elladan continued he nodded. The two began to head back up to Imladris. Estel, hiding amongst the spare archery targets (the twins generally preferred to shoot through leaves on trees), could not see them. He was just about to step out from behind the target when he felt himself caught and lifted off the ground. By nature, he struggled.  
  
"Stop that! Estel, quit kicking me!" Although he could not see, Estel knew by the voice that it was Elladan who had caught him. This only increased his fear and he struggled harder. "Estel! What are you trying to do? It's me, Elladan, your brother! I'm not going to hurt you!"  
  
"Why do you care what I do? Let me go! You hurt me before, I don't want you to hurt me now! This time I didn't do anything!" Estel managed to shout all this while putting up a decent fight. Elladan held him at arms' length. Elrohir had heard the commotion and was just coming to see what had happened when Estel managed to bite Elladan's hand, and in recoil (and on accident) Elladan let go of him. Estel smacked the ground hard, then looked to Elladan in utter shock and betrayal. Elrohir stared at both of them, then Estel, noticing his brother, ran over and clung to Elrohir, who lifted him up, as it was easier to walk carrying Estel than with Estel hugging your legs.  
  
"What happened, Elladan?" Elrohir asked.  
  
"I just saw Estel hiding over there, and I thought he was running away again," Elladan said, walking over to his brother. "He bit me. I didn't mean to drop him." Elladan held up his hand, where small pools of blood grew from tiny teeth-marks. Elrohir cringed.  
  
"Estel?"  
  
"He hurt me again!" Estel cried. "I wanted to apologize and he hurt me again!"  
  
"Estel, stand here for a minute," Elrohir said, kneeling and setting Estel on the ground. Estel snivelled, but he was not crying. He may have been moments before. "Tell me exactly what happened."  
  
"I was trying to wait until I could talk to Elladan alone, because he was so upset, but when I tried to apologize he dropped me!"  
  
"Estel, Elladan thought you were running away," Elrohir informed him quietly. "He picked you up so you wouldn't, and when you bit him he was no longer capable of holding you. So do you understand how Elladan is not at fault here?"  
  
"I was scared. The last time I talked to him he hit me. I deserved it then, but now I don't. I haven't done anything wrong today," Estel pleaded his case. Elrohir backed up.  
  
"This is between you and Elladan. I'll leave you now, and see you back in Imladris." With that Elrohir turned and strode swiftly away. Estel wanted to bolt but he didn't. Elladan stood oddly.  
  
"I wanted to say sorry for being so dumb and for running away," Estel said, "or maybe just because you were hurt."  
  
"It's all right, Estel. I suppose I partially blamed myself for that, which was why I was so angry," Elladan offered.  
  
"How come you blamed yourself?"  
  
"You don't remember?" Elladan was shocked. He thought for sure Estel had memory of when he was younger, it had been hardly a year ago. . ."I hated you when you were younger. Which was my fault, not yours, but the fact remains. It seemed that when you ran away. . .I felt like you were running away from me. You hid from us, Estel. Why did you do that?"  
  
"I wanted to be better," Estel said. He had not yet fully explained this to Elrond, explaining it to Elladan seemed more proper. "I thought if I were an Elf that everyone would like me better. Legolas says that it's a. . .juvenile nature to believe that perhaps things would be better if you were different."  
  
Elladan laughed. "Well, Legolas is right, but perhaps he should have used easier words for you. Would you like me to explain?" Estel nodded eagerly, thinking that this was what big brothers ought to be. "When you're little, like you are now, sometimes bad things happen and you think that if you were different--Elven, Dwarvish, red-headed--things would be better."  
  
"Oh! Now I understand! Thanks, Elladan," Estel exclaimed, hugging Elladan in his usual thank-you manner.  
  
"You're welcome," Elladan said, lifting Estel off the ground. "Don't kick me this time, because no matter what you do there is no way I'll let you go!" he joked. Estel giggled.  
  
*****  
  
"There he is! Estel, you had best find your Ada about right now!" Legolas exclaimed as Estel and Elladan entered Imladris. "I said I knew where you were, but you shouldn't go running off like that. Anyway, Elrond wants to know why you decided to run away in the first place. . ." he trailed off. Elladan set Estel down on the ground, having some trouble in prying the child off of him.  
  
"Good luck, little brother," Elladan said, mussing Estel's hair and heading off. Estel stood still.  
  
"Go on," Legolas prodded, and Estel jumped up and ran off. Crashing through all of Imladris, Estel fell over quite a few times, each time laughing and getting up, just to take off running again. Estel had taken a running leap off a low railing when he nearly crashed into Elrond, who luckily managed to catch Estel mid-flight.  
  
"What in the name of the Valar are you trying to do, Estel?" Elrond asked, mired somewhere between humor and anger.  
  
"Flying!" Estel exclaimed, wriggling happily.  
  
"From now on, try not to fly when anyone's around, all right?"  
  
"That's what Glorfindel said, too," Estel informed Elrond. "But I didn't listen to him. . ."  
  
"Quite clearly. But, Estel, you and I do have something to discuss."  
  
"Oh. . .right. . ." now he remembered what he had been doing rushing around Imladris in the first place. "I thought I explained to you. . ." Estel, like all young boys, thought that tears were for girls, but if he had to recount the story again he doubted if he could keep from crying.  
  
"Not that. I just wanted you to know that it doesn't matter at all to me or to your brothers what you are. You could be a sheep for all we care, what matters is who you are on the inside. Your brothers are not full Elves, either. They are half-Elven, as am I."  
  
This news was a shock to Estel, who stopped wriggling for a full minute to contemplate. Finally he asked, "Elladan said something I did not understand. . .may I tell you what he said? Perhaps you can explain it to me."  
  
"Yes, Estel, what did he said?"  
  
"That he used to hate me. I wanted to know why. He said it was his fault, but. . .why?"  
  
Elrond sighed and closed his eyes in thought. Finally he answered, "I never did know why, but when you were brought to Imladris Elladan hated you right away. He tormented you, and would not talk to me about it." Inwardly, Elrond thought that Elladan never should have told Estel that. He would have to speak to Elladan about it later.  
  
*****  
  
Estel could not sleep. He felt as though if he closed his eyes he would have a bad dream, like the one he had just awoken from, which he had had far too many off lately. After a while he got up and wandered about, quietly as possible. Creeping along, he heard raised voices and saw a bit of light from beneath a slightly open door. He sidled up to the door and listened.  
  
". . .I think he is!" Elrohir was saying. Who is what? Estel wondered.  
  
"No, Elladan, he is far too young. You are not to tell your brother these sorts of things without first consulting me, is that understood?" Elrond asked, angry himself. Oh, Estel thought, they mean me. Anything Elladan knew Elrohir knew, so it had to be him.  
  
"It is far from understood. You cannot coddle him all his life, sooner or later he shall have to learn all of this," Elladan returned.  
  
"Elladan, you will listen to me--" Elrond began, but Elladan muttered something so low neither Elrond nor Estel could understand it. "What was that?"  
  
"I said I wished Mother were still here!" Elladan shouted. "She would understand, not like you."  
  
"Do not ever," Elrond was beyond mad now, "use her in your defense like that."  
  
"She left all of us, Adar, not just you. Why do you think I hated the stupid little brat? We weren't enough for you but he was!" The door was shoved open as Elladan strode through it angrily.  
  
"Elladan, come back here! You cannot leave things unfinished like that!" But Elladan was gone. Estel couldn't move for a moment, then he tore off down the hall in tears. "Estel?"  
  
*****  
  
"Elladan?" Legolas said, knocking softly on Elrohir's door. He knew well enough where to find Elladan when he was not in his own room. "Estel is crying. . .I think you should go and speak with him. He talks of you, saying that you really hate him, after all. He is just a child, Elladan, please."  
  
"Is he that upset?" Elladan asked, opening the door.  
  
"He is," Legolas confirmed. "I would speak to him, but he would not let me. He needs you, Elladan."  
  
A look covered Elladan's face of torn confusion. He looked back into the room, then stepped out into the hall.  
  
*****  
  
"Estel. . ."  
  
"Go away! You hate me!" Estel shouted, muffling his words and his sobs in his pillow.  
  
"I don't hate you, Estel," Elladan said, placing his hand between Estel's shoulder blades. Estel softened a bit, then shook violently.  
  
"You hate me! You said that I'm a stupid brat!"  
  
"I didn't mean it. The things I said tonight were not for you to hear. What were you doing wandering the corridors? It is far past your bedtime."  
  
Estel blushed. "I had a bad dream, and I was too scared to go to sleep. Why don't you go away?"  
  
"Listen, Estel," Elladan said, lying down beside his brother, and pulling Estel into a hug. "The reason I said such awful things about you was that when you first came here, my mother had gone recently to Valinor, and my father had been very upset. Elrohir and I were unable to reach him, hardly able to comfort ourselves. When you came it was as some enchantment were lifted, and Elrond was happier than before. I felt rejected by this, and that is why I said those things, none of which are true. I love you very much, little brother, but sometimes when I get angry I say things I don't mean, hurtful things. I'm sorry you were hurt, but I cannot take back what I said." When Estel did not respond, Elladan began to pull away from him. "I'll leave you alone now."  
  
"No," Estel said softly, clinging to Elladan's arm. Elladan humored him, deciding to stay until Estel fell asleep. Estel knew this, and waited for Elladan to fall asleep first.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I think that'll be all for this one. Anyone wanting to know the full story (Elladan's story) of that night can read "Something So Beautiful", it should be up in a few chapters. Hope you liked this story and thanks for reading! 


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